We know to watch out for the big bad wolf, sexual predators trying to lure our children into bad situations, and we have some ideas on how to help keep the wolf at bay. But do we know about the damage cyberbullies can do? I, for one, didn’t .
There have always been bullies in real life, but how big is the problem online? Does it just happen once in a while? Are the stories we read about where victims turn to suicide a rarity?
According to the New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services, at least 42% of children have been cyberbullied, and at least 35% have been threatened online. That’s a lot of kids who, instead of enjoying life, are being picked on, ridiculed, and harassed. Think about the damage that can do when all kids want is to feel accepted.
Cyberbullies are either adults or kids who use aggressive behavior through technological methods to harm victims. This behavior is through text messages, voice mail messages, and on the Internet. Bullies get braver and are able to say and do things technologically that are often worse than in person. They can ruin another person’s reputation by what they post on blogs, websites, or humiliating pictures sent to others.
Very few kids tell adults that this is happening to them, so how can we tell?
Is your child being bullied?
If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, it’s time to look into the situation.
Do
you have a child who has always enjoyed his online time and now
clearly isn’t?
Is
your child anxious or upset after reading a message on the computer
or cell?
Does
your child now complain about headaches, stomachaches, and seems
afraid to go to school?
Has
he or she withdrawn from family and friends?
Have
you heard your child say things about self-harm, revenge, or suicide?
Might your child be a bully?
Of course, none of us want to believe this would be true of our kids, but be concerned if your child:
Quickly
closes a page or turns off the computer when someone is close by.
Is
way beyond upset or disappointed when not allowed online.
Frequently
uses the computer, especially at night.
Laughs
often or to the extreme when online.
Prevent
and stop cyberbullying
Prevention
As is in other areas of online safety for your kids, we, as parents and caretakers, need to be involved in their activities on the Internet. Remember, if your kids complain that you are ‘too up in their business,’remind them that it isn’t that you don’t trust them, you are just trying to help them stay safe.
Learn and teach them about the bullies out there.
Supervise without hovering over them.
Make sure they are as respectful to others online as they would be in person.
Stopping
a bully
Parents, if you suspect or know that your child is being contacted by a bully:
save
or print all bully messages received
block
anyone who behaves like a bully
contact
the police if messages are a threat, extortion, contain obscenities
or child pornography, stalking or hate crimes
Kids
don’t
respond to messages that are mean to you or your friends
don’t
forward these messages to others
don’t
open messages you know are from bullies
If you can’t get help from your parents or other adult at home, tell a teacher or police. ?There are ways for the bullies to be tracked down and identified. You will need help with that, so don’t stop trying until you get it.
I’ll admit it. I didn’t even know what sexting was a few months ago. I guess having married children and grandchildren too young for real cell phones kept me out of this cyber-loop.
Sexting is sending nude, semi nude, and/or suggestive text on cell phones. Kids send body part pictures to their boyfriend or girlfriend, someone they want to hook up with, someone they want to get back at, or someone they want to humiliate. The pictures, of course, can then be loaded onto the Internet where what may have been considered innocent fun can become a mistake seen ‘round the world from now until the end of cyber-time.
“What makes kids do things like that?” you may ask. Cave parents probably wanted to know that, too. Kids think that nothing bad will happen to them. Their hormones take over their decision making and anything that sounds like fun becomes an awesome idea.
This survey took place between September 25, 2008 and October 3, 2008. There were 653 teens aged 13-19 that participated. Full survey data can be found at www.TheNationalCampaign.org/sextech plus other helpful information.
Of those aged 13-19, I highlight these statistics:
How many say they have sent or posted nude or seminude pictures or videos of themselves?
20% of teens overall
22% of teen girls
18% of teen boys
11% of teen girls 13-16
How many teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages?
39% of all teens
37% of teen girls
40% of teen boys
48% of teens say they have received such messages
And 75% of the teens say sending/posting sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences,” yet 39% of these teens have sent suggestive messages and 20% have sent or posted images.
Preventing Sexting: What can a parent do?
Communicate
As in promoting Internet safety in your family, communication is
extremely
important. I know it can be tricky, but find a way to let your
children know they can tell you anything without coming off as
judgmental as you may actually feel. I realize that just won’t work
in some families. Encourage your child to find a trustworthy adult in
their lives that they are able to truly tell all. This may be a
relative, an adult at their school or church, a police officer, a
good friend of the family.
Many teens refuse to believe that anything bad will happen to them. They need to know the consequences of sexting. Here are the ones I’m aware of:
Damage to reputation. More people will see these pictures than they can ever imagine. Not only will classmates and teachers lose respect for the teen sending the images, assuming they are someone different than they truly are, the teen’s self-esteem will be diminished as a result of the reactions of others.
Sent images never go away. There is no unsend. Not only will someone inevitably post these images on the Internet where they will spread like a wildfire, no one can make them go away. Someday a prospective employer, a fiancé, a spouse or a child may see pictures that your child as an adult will not really be able to explain.
The court system is getting tough on these kids, too. An image that finds its way onto cyberspace as the result of sexting is serious business to them. A child, whether it’s wrong or right, can actually be deemed a registered sex offender for distributing child pornography. I know….
There are predators out there that make it their business to track down victims. They are very good at this. A teen throwing themselves out there this way could very well be caught by the big bad wolf himself.
Regulate
There are many ways to restrict your child’s cell and computer use. If talking to them doesn’t get through, let them know you’re going to be up in their business if you have to be.
Find out through your cell provider what types of parental controls are available and get them set up.
Know their computer passwords, their cell numbers and those of their friends.
If they aren’t responsible enough for a cell phone, don’t let them have one or allow them one with limited contacts or one without a camera feature.
Set firm rules (and mean it) for time on the computer, use of their phones, who they communicate with.
Don’t be afraid to be a parent. Just as you kept them from touching a hot burner or stopped them from running out into the street when they were little, help them to be safe now by insisting they use good judgment.